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Deployment: Your Children and Separation
HMForces.co.uk
Children going through deployment may experience many of the same effects as children of divorce. They worry about what will happen to them.
They worry that the non-deployed parent will leave, too. Who will take care of them? This is particularly true if mail deliveries are delayed, which can sometimes happen in early days of separation. Preparing a child emotionally prior to departure will help them cope when you leave for training or for deployment.
Make sure children know they are loved. Whenever there is distress in a family, children assume responsibility for it. They may feel responsible that a parent is going away or feel that the parent does not love them any more. Providing consistent, loving assurance will help alleviate this.
Be Truthful: Children are very perceptive! As soon as the service member starts planning and preparing for a drill or deployment, the child will realise that something is up. Do not lie to your child in an attempt to shield him or her from the truth or they may assume something worse. Talk to your child openly and honestly.
Share Feelings: Children often lack the vocabulary to share their feelings. It will help if parents talk about their own feelings which will help children communicate their feelings. Let your child know that even negative thoughts and feelings are quite normal.
Explore Destination: Using a map or globe, show your child where you are going and chart your route. Using books or encyclopaedias, explore weather conditions, cultural norms, or products associated with that region. Communicate with Teachers: If your child is school-age, let the teacher know what is going on at home. The teacher may use maps to chart your travels with the class!
Design an Activity to Pass Time: Design or create an activity with your child to help mark time. For younger children, make a paper chain with a link for each day you will be gone that the child can use to measure time (the child will break a link each day). For an older child, choose a book that you both would enjoy and each read a pre-assigned passage every day. Show Your Workspace: If possible, set aside time to show your child the ship and where you will be eating, sleeping, and working. Or, take your child to the armoury prior to departure and show them the artillery guns or weapons that you might be working with while away.
Let Your Child Help You Pack: Letting your child help you pack will allow them to be more involved in the process and also allow them to “care” for you. Encourage them to create some artwork for you, which will be fun for them and you will enjoy their artwork for days and months to come.
Signs of Distress: Even with the best laid plans and a cheerful demeanour, parents cannot always prevent their children from experiencing stress when you are called to duty. They may not fully understand why Dad or Mum is gone and they may worry about their safety. They will also be very perceptive to what the parent at home is feeling. These fears may consciously or subconsciously trouble children.
The following are signs of separation anxiety that children may exhibit when their parent is away.
Preschool Age Children
• Clinging to people or favourite toy or blanket.
• Unexplained crying or tearfulness.
• Choosing adults over same-age play mates.
• Increased acts of violence toward people or things.
• Shrinking away from people or becoming very quiet.
• Sleep difficulties or disturbances (waking, bad dreams)
• Eating difficulties or change in eating patterns.
• Fear of new people or situations.
• Keeps primary care giver in view.
School-Age Children:
• Any of the signs listed above, and:
• A rise in complaints about stomach aches, headaches, or other illnesses.
• More irritable and grumpy.
• Problems at school (drop in grades, does not want to go, or general complaining)
• Anger toward remaining parent.
Adolescents:
• Any of the signs listed above, and:
• Acting up behaviours (trouble at school, home, law)
• Low self-esteem and self-criticism.
• Misdirected anger (lots of anger over small things; directed at siblings/parent)
• Sudden or unusual school problems.
• Loss of interest in usual interests and hobbies.
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